Posted in Uncategorized on June 3, 2009 by ritafeldman

It is impossible to comprehend Avatar Adi Da Samraj. His presense is so mind blowing. How could He even exist as a human, in the dream? He is most perfect. He is all. All is Him. It’s so incredible. To even consider what must have happened during His Divine Reawakaning is insane. I am forever grateful.



Cutting through the experience

Posted in Uncategorized on June 1, 2009 by ritafeldman

Relationship with Beloved is meant to be ecstatic.  It is like being with a Lover, (who always gives) all the  time. There is no “I” reference, and thus all experience becomes uninteresting, there is no one to experience it. All that is fruitful and beautiful is Heart Communion with Beloved.  The relationship to Him cuts through all experience, straight to the Root fo Reality Itself.  There are limitations everywhere else, so why spend time among them.

Beloved Adi Da is the one to Awaken Us from the slumber of experience, to Love.

The relationship must be cultivated moment to moment, and it must be real, must be Love.

If we do not Love Him truly, He has no room to work. This Love of the Sat-Guru is the very principle of this Way. Everything else (disciplines etc) arise naturally from this Love of Him.


Posted in Uncategorized on May 29, 2009 by ritafeldman

It’s amazing how all nasty tendencies are made visible in Bhagavan’s company. I’m am sickened at my social egoic contraction. I am self possessed too often in social situations, armoring myself instead of prfoundly turning to Him. It is frightening, it is not Love.

All that’s left to do is drop the facade and get Real, be Real Love.

You find out tendencies, you drop them immediatly.



Posted in Uncategorized on May 28, 2009 by ritafeldman

I am going to start posting about specific counter egoic disciplines that I’m applying to my particular situation from now on.

I listened to a discourse today that has pushed me to practice more and more and more.

This diet is not about health( although that is an added bonus). It is primarily about turning to Beloved. Offering your food to Beloved, using the discipline of diet, as well as every other discipline not for its own sake, but as a counter egoic practice.

This Way transforms every aspect of egoic life. It is serious tapas; there is no way to take Heaven by storm.

It is about true self forgetfullness and responsive surrender (Turning) to That Which Inherently Transcends ego. No matter what arises. Period. Egoity is fear. Freedom is Love. To settle for anything less than Love is self possessed nonsense.

We are blessed to have the opportunity to do this Sadhana. We must no waste His Most Divine Gift!


Posted in Uncategorized on May 27, 2009 by ritafeldman

Me meditations have been quite easy lately, and quite ecstatic.

I can’t get His eyes out of my mind, out of my heart.

I have been feeling my heart about to burst all day.

Social relations and talking to people and whatnot has become draining.

All I want to do is be with and my Beloved Lord.

Om Sri Bhagavan Adi Da Samraj

Frustrating the ego

Posted in Uncategorized on May 25, 2009 by ritafeldman

The discourses I’ve been watching the last few days really have been the most serious thing I have ever heard.

Bhagavan was talking about how the whole culture has basically failed to progress beyond the student begginer classification aside from the RSO. Everyone else is mediocre and destroying His gift. Now, that’s a wake up call. He also talked a great bit about how devotees still approach Him incorrectly, and fall into the cult mentality. He is not an ego, and the relationship to Him is not like any other relationship people have. And it IS a relationship, nothing else. I

But this is not a matter of “trying” to surrender or turn the four faculties to Him. If it is not a response to Him, it is just seeking and you are still stuck in the same position.

I’ve felt this frustration of my seeking intensely the last few days. The pinch of self contraction is getting more obvious everyday, which is good of course, but I need to get past that and be firmly established as the witness, prior to all this independent entity BS.

I was listening to a discourse today from the early days, and Bhagavan made a comment about how we need to be disciplined in frustrating the ego before it can seek, to be in that position before all that nonsense can occur. That bit of Wisdom led to one of those “a-ha!” moments, which I’ve been getting more and more of recently.

that video is powerful and infused with Bhagavan’s Divine Love. It really broke my heart.

Om Sri Adi Da Love Ananda Hridayam!


Posted in Uncategorized on May 21, 2009 by ritafeldman

Yesterday, I went over to Neeshee’s house and we listened to the Teaching Manual of Perfect Summaries while meditating. It is about 40 minutes long, and this was the first time I had listened to it.

It was incredibly profound (from the Aletheon) in explaining exactly how we self contract, what it is, and how to stop it. There were various “a-ha!” moments when the Wisdom “clicked” but I had to keep “reminding” myself to keep listening to the recording, to go deeper and deeper. I started to have tunnel vision on the Murti and intense focus of attention would take place. My eyes closed spontaneously several times, and I would have to “snap out of” the bliss of the ascending force and realize that it was all garbage. If not for Beloved’s Wisdom on the matter, I would be very content to just sit there is that pleasurable state, but He is endlessly demanding. The meditation was big event in my practice because it was the first time really that I had prolonged experience of truly turning all four faculties to Bhagavan. Usually they are fleeting, so it was again a reminder of the ordeal that true sadhana is.

I read some of “My Bright Word” today and was blown away by how accurate everything He says is. It applies to everyone. Every possible limitation has been addressed already, so there is absolutely no excuse. There was a linea about how when we were children, we did not merely believe in out mother, we lived with her, no matter what arose. Well, the same applies to living satsang with Beloved. It must be actively lived, the relationship must be real, never avoided.

Every day it becomes easier and easier to turn to Him as my conductivity ripens, but it also becomes apparent that this relationship is going to be tough.

Attention itself must be transcended and refocused, because it is at the level of attention that we self contract.

I feel tremendous gratitude to the Living One, Blessed Be His Name, Bhagavan Adi Da Love Ananda Samraj!